WHAT A LOAD OF BULL!
(Monaghan United v Dundalk - EA Sports Cup, April 25th)

Gortakeegan is a great day out. I didn't expect much when I made my 3 hour journey north on a Bank Holiday Monday to take in this EA Sports Cup game (sorry I can't hack calling it that and EA don't sponsor this site so its the League Cup!) but I got, well more then I bargained for!
First off Monaghan is a very welcoming place. I had worringly passed signs for a festival called "MuckMania" (or something of that effect) on the way up which made me shift uneasy in my seat, but its fair to say the locals were great.
Thankfully I was starving on entering Gortakeegan, home of United for almost the last 25 years now, so made for the most important section of my fans survey- the food.
I was meet with the sounds of a middle-aged man wolfing on a food substance like he hadn't eaten in roughly 27 years. Picture an apocalyptic end to the world where the only thing to eat were cockroaches...but you couldn't find any to eat...until you accidentally stood on one, then devoured it , savouring every morsel...well it was something like that!
Of course little did I know the man with mustard on his eyebrows and a bitch of a ketchup stain on his shirt was just after eating a "Mon-Dog".
There are certain things I might envy Monaghan for.
They are winning games. Have a lower unemployment rate than Waterford...and once every fortnight the United faithful get the choice of eating a Mon-Dog. I won't go into it to much (that's what the book is for and I want you to buy it!) but at 3 Euro and longer by far then any other hot-dog it was a little piece of heaven.
Not so nice was the shot of Gortakeegan I have placed in Just Follow The Floodlights.
Anyone who has been to Gortakeegan will know there is a massive hill facing one on the goals. A newspaper columnist had cruelly said "the club gets more cows on the hill watching the games then people" back in the early nineties, but it struck me as a fantastic vantage point to get a snap of the entire ground.
During the half-time interval I decided to climb to the top and snap away to my hearts content. It was here after roughly 34 seconds that I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. It was black, grunting and blocking out the skyline behind it. Now I'm allowed some artistic licence here. I can't say it was a bull (like the one in the picture) but it had horns, a nose ring and heading in my direction.
There are certain things in life that make you freeze in terror....bending down in the showers in Mountjoy , having a round of golf with Seanie Fitzpatrick or being strapped to a chair with Westlife performing in front of you for three days straight, but another is hearing the trampling hoofs of a wild beast with the scent of blood and murder on its mind.
Taking camera in hand and gaining Olympic high-jump qualification with my effort over the  electric fence I ran down the hill ,quicker than Callum Best to the opening of an envelope , and retreated to the stands.
I'll save the rest of the story for the book launches!

The game itself was non-stop action with Monaghan coming from behind to beat Dundalk in extra-time to leave the locals and one Rhoderick Collins happy with the days work.