NOSTALGIA  AIN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE.

I remember back in my day, Sacky Glen scored 16 goals in the first five minutes of a game against Drumcondra in front of 174,000 people. And the game was played in my friend’s backyard. Ah nostalgia isn’t what it used to be! I’ve always maintained people get nostalgic about things they weren’t so crazy about the first time around.

Take Britain in the forties. The German Luftwaffe, bombing, air shelters, and ration books. My grand-uncle survived it, yet all I ever get from him is “Those were great days!”

Although nostalgia files the rough edges off those “good old days”, there are some things inherently wrong with today’s game and here are some things I’m sure all football fans of clubs here and the UK, of a certain age yearn for.

Floodlight Pylons – Once upon a time every club worth its salt had them. A massive beacon shining into the night. You never needed sappy things like Sat-Nav’s or even a map. You just started your old Cortina and drove towards that huge light in the distance.  Who reading today can’t tell me they didn’t love the sight of an 87 year old man climbing the pylons to fix a few bulbs before a game, and praying he didn’t fall? These days they’d be ready with an Iphone waiting to capture the poor sod hitting the ground.

Grass. A rare commodity in days gone by. Footballers didn’t need the unnecessary green when they had mud and some white lines. After all,  they were playing with a ball of stone with stitching and boots that could put a pair of Doc Martins to shame, so they weren’t going to let a girly thing like no grass put them off.

Creosote Early August, grass cut, nets up but the pitch needs to be lined. Enter creosote (or pitch oil, lime or whatever name you want to call it.) We all loved the smell of it. You couldn’t wait to inhale it into your lungs. It completed the match day experience. Sure it was dangerous, could blind you if you fell in it and now on the FIFA banned list due to the amount of chemicals in it, but it was an essential part of football from yesteryear. Sodding health freaks these days – football needs some danger, even before you kick-off!

                                        

Subbuteo THE greatest game ever invented – period! Who didn’t start their Saturday evening with a re-enactment of Arsenal hammering Spurs or Exeter City's 62-0 victory over Plymouth and then waiting for Jimmy Hill to present “Match of The Day”? These days it’s all Playstation’s and grown men pretending to be Russian pimp’s or cutting the head’s off zombies whilst updating their Twitter page.

Bovril. A real man’s drink. Sure it would stick your colon to your ribs and you’d taste it for the next six days but it would keep you warm. If the passengers on the Titanic had a batch of Bovril on the go whilst the White Star Liner was sinking I’m sure they could have swum back to Southampton without even the mention of frostbite.

Rosettes.You know? The ones bigger than Ian Dowie’s head and where always handy for covering up that Spaghetti Bolognese stain on your jumper.

Finally – Perm’s, bad hair days and dodgy moustaches. Oh how we laughed at the Village People- unaware they’d styled most of the footballers in the seventies.

Ah Nostalgia......just not what it used to be folks.