51.       Song :  All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You

            Who’s To Blame;  Heart

            Worst Lyric; “oh, oohhhh, we made love. Ohhhh”

            Chart Position; U.S (no.2) U.K (no.8)

            Heartbreak Rating; 2/10   (I’m pretty sure male rape is illegal)

We guys always get a bad rep when it comes to relationships. Yes we can be cruel, insensitive and have the morals of an alley cat, but every now and then there comes women who’ll act just as insane as us and drag her good name through the dirt, all in the name of lust.

That woman is Ann Wilson.

One half the sisterly duo of Seattle soft rock band Heart, Ann used 1990’s “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You” to tell us it’s alright for women to half sex with hobo’s once he can actually get you pregnant.

The tune which tells of a one-night stand became one of Heart’s biggest selling singles yet it’s not exactly an anthem for girl power. Whilst the Spice Girls preached about taking control of your life, improved self esteem and empowering females everywhere, Heart’s little ditty involves extra-marital affairs, bastard children and vagrancy!

It’s raining cats & dogs on a lonely highway one night when a horny Ann Wilson spots a man on the side of the road “with no umbrella and no coat”. However because she’s broody and he’s a member of the opposite sex, she’s game – so offers him a ride (in more ways than one as it soon becomes apparent)

Now I’m sorry but any guy in the middle of nowhere with no umbrella or a coat is obviously a hobo so that was her first wrong move. The next couple of lines confirm that Ann’s mental state isn’t exactly top notch.

  

                        I didn’t ask him his name, that lonely boy in the rain

                          Fate tells me its right; this is love at first sight

                            Please don’t say it’s wrong; stay for the night

So having now established that Ann is indeed Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction, she offers the guy a seedy motel room and the ride of his life. Luckily the motel hasn’t a condom machine, and with the tramp not having a dime, and Ann obviating, the signs are ominous.

Cut to several years later, Ann’s still with her unsuspecting hubby and amazingly she runs into the hobo again (what where the chances) and he sees a set of baby blue eyes staring back at him.

Yep it’s the hobo’s offspring.

Ann then explains to him that “the one little thing he (the hubby) can’t give me is the one little thing that you can”, before slipping him a 50 dollar note and telling him to buy some clothes, a mug of soup and a room for the night.

Despite the strange message the song advocates, it didn’t do the veteran rock group any harm and Heart still perform to this very day – 35 years after they first formed in 1974.

Useless Trivia No 117; Statistics prove that at least 500 people are arrested for vagrancy ever month in Seattle, Washington. None of them have reportedly had sex with Ann Wilson.