IF Drink Don't Kill Me...The 100 Most Depressing Songs of all Time

27.     Song;   Ruby (Don’t Take Your Love to Town)

          Who’s to Blame; Kenny Rogers

          Worst Lyric; “ It’s hard to love a man whose legs are bent.”

          Chart Position; U.S. (no.6) U.K. (no.1)

          Heartbreak rating  4/10  (Kenny should have just shot her cheatin’ ass)

Songwriters cover a range of ways in which love is lost in relationships. The girl falls out of love; the guy cheats; the wife that can’t stand her hubby and runs off with the milkman. However country crooner Kenny Rogers covered the – crippled war veteran in wheelchair; can’t have sex so the bitch is leaving me – market all for himself with 1969’s – Ruby (Don’t Take Your Love to Town.)

The song, wrote about a real life situation by Mel Tillis and originally a hit for Johnny Darnell, sold more than 7 million copies worldwide, thanks to the Texas born singer’s special brand of heartbreak.

You see Kenny mustn’t be much of a catch because women keep leaving his sorry ass.

If it’s not “Lucille” – where she picked a fine time to leave him, or being the “Coward of the County”, Kenny’s not exactly a hit with the opposite sex. Throw in the fact he’s a degenerate gambler that doesn’t “know when to hold them, fold them, walk away or run” and it’s hard to find much sympathy for Mr. Rogers.

In this tune Kenny is a veteran of the Korean war who begs his lover  not to get tarted up like a painted hussy and haul ass into town where a bunch of horny town-folk are waiting.

Although Kenny admits “it’s hard to love a man whose legs are bent” (you gotta love that lyric!) he still appeals to Ruby’s caring side and says he still needs company.

Ruby however needs something else!

Longing for the touch of a man who can caress, satisfy, and actually stand up, Ruby ignores her crippled cohort and heads to town.

It’s here Kenny finally snaps.

He’s heard the slamming of the door (like a hundred times before) and she’s left him with not even a smile. “If I could move I’d get my gun and put her in the ground” (them’s fightin’ words) as Rogers finally realises she’s just been holding out for the house and his disability pension.

Will Kenny wheel on into town and blow her good-for-nothing cheating ass away? Will he take a pitchfork and imbed it into both her and her husky young lover Cletus? Can he actually out manoeuvre the Paddy-wagon when it comes looking for him?

Well in a word - no. The next lyric pours cold water on those exciting possibilities.

“Oh Ruby, God sakes turn around”

And there you have it. After all the fighting talk, threats of shooting and possible disembowelment, Kenny just stays in his chair and begs one last time not to go.

Despite his pain, wheelchair, and cheating tramp, Rogers was soon comforted by the fact the song gave him his first UK number 1 and continues selling singles to present day even now at the age of 70.

And Kenny had the last laugh when you think of it. He’s a multi-millionaire singer while Ruby married Cletus, got divorced and now lives on a chicken ranch in Nevada.

Useless Trivia No.351 – Kenny’s backing band were “The First Edition” who’s biggest hit was the quirky titled “Just Popped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In.)