PELE BITE MY BALLS

                                       
                                                       PELE BITE MY BALLS!!!

                                  WHY WE WON'T HAVE THE BEST IN BRAZIL.

With World Cup Qualifying very much on everyone’s minds this week, I couldn’t help but notice thousands of miles away from the cold, damp and drizzle of Ireland, that in the relatively mild sixty degree heat of a pacific south-western climate, New Zealand had clinched the World Cup Qualifying Oceania group with a last gasp 94^th minute winner over New Caledonia. The 2-1 win was secured via Ipswich Town’s Tommy Smith, one of just 6 players not turning out in their national league (others include Wilson Reid of West Ham & Chris Wood of Leicester City.)

The victory meant, even 15 months before the great and the good (and let’s face it the bad), converge on a busseling Brazil... the Kiwi’s are within 180 minutes of qualifying for the 2014 World Cup.

They will now wait to see the 4^th placed team that comes out of the CONCACAF group....currently Honduras.

Fair Dues. Well Done. Pat on the back for a possible back-to-back World Cup campaign?

Hmmm not really. With New Zealand ranked 88^th in the world, having just about seen off a side placed 103^rd, in a group which had 11 countries ranging in ranking between #88 – 202, it wasn’t exactly back against the wall stuff for Ricki Herbert’s side. The Kiwi’s could enjoy a 6-1 win over the Solomon Islands (ranked 147) And a pedestrian 3-0 cruise past Tahiti (rank138) before finally winning the group with that late late victory v New Caledonia.

And yes New Zealand went to to a fabulous 2010 World Cup , can we use the term -Flash in the Pan? Maybe- Maybe not.

Now I know we are in Europe, and yes it’s obvious we cannot get a chainsaw, cut us away from the six counties about us and paddle our way down to the Pacific South West and compete there but I’ve always had a problem with the amount of places available to European countries when it came to the global game.

Take the CONCACAF group which traditional houses the talents of countries like Mexico, Costa Rica & the USA. On a world-wide scale it’s important to make sure there’s at least one representative North/Central America or Caribbean but the standard of many countries involved leave a lot to be desired.

Mexico and the States remain the only Top 30 sides from this zone in FIFA’s current ranking system, which is commendable however the ranking still owes to a majority of games against inferior CONCACAF opposition – this can be explained with the fact Panama and Haiti are top 50 ranked.

Though the group has 35 official countries competing, 23 aren’t top 100 and range from 110-207. Ultimately it will mean three countries qualifying for Brazil 2014 and you can bet your life it won’t be Guatemala or Montserrat!

As mentioned it Honduras (world ranked 49) who could meet New Zealand. The Kiwi’s main nemesis for years , Australia  , have moved to the Asian Qualifying campaign for 2014 (when you beat Tonga 33-0 you know it’s time to try get a decent side outside of Oceania) and will be among the favourites to make Brazil. Again there are 43 teams taking part in Asia however only 3 are top 50 ranked (Japan, South Korea & the Socceroo’s) and along with North Korea and Bahrain all 5 sides have a bye into the final round of competition to see who comes out of Asia. It all means despite countries like Jordan, Oman, Nepal & Yemen taking part, there will be four direct places from the Asian Qualifying Group.

Pele’s once said ‘An African team will win the World Cup in his lifetime’. Unless you’re planning to live until your around 167 years of age they will oh great one, that’s bollox – much like the African World Cup qualifying groups.

Their group stages consist of 10 groups of 4, with the group winners advancing to five knock out ties to determine the quintet that make Brazil. It has 52 teams competing, though many of the higher ranked sides Ivory Coast, Cameroon, South Africa get a bye to the 2^nd round. Although a lot of these sides are shocking (only 6 of the 52 sides are top 50 and 28 aren’t even top 100) it’s a global game so Africa has to be represented I guess, but since Pele’s revelation African sides have flattered to deceive.

South America has its usual four and of course the host nation. It consistently throws up the old favs as well (unless Bolivia qualify for playing 47,000 ft above ground), but no-one will complain watch one Lionel Messi on the world stage nor the amount of placings, considering one went the minute Brazil was drawn out 5 years ago.

I’d never complain about this group as the winner of next year’s World Cup will come from Europe or South America, save you money, forget your outsiders – the winner WILL come from Europe or South America.

And to Europe. Despite the poor start we’ve made to our World Cup group, the process of getting to Brazil was always going to be tough. Europe has a total of 53 countries in nine groups with just 13 places up for grabs and per group has the most amount of top 50 ranked sides, (26 in the top 50) but despite this there will be some notable talent missing out on Brazil 2014.

Options?

Why not place a European team against the 5^th placed African side? Or play-off v an Asian side like Ireland v Iran 2002? Jesus they’ve even taken the best placed runners up segment in Europe!! Much of this is down to Blatter’s love of fellatio-ing small developing countries, especially in Africa and though I think we’ll fall short of Brazil, I don’t exactly want to be watching Uganda v British Virgin Islands on television next summer!